Belated movie review: The first "Paranormal Activity"

With the third "Paranormal Activity" in theaters, I thought it'd be fun to go back and re-watch the original. You know, the one where everyone was running around yelling "We made it for only $694!" or whatever the amount was. I think it's always healthy to go back and check something out once the hype has died down, just to make sure your opinion isn't a reaction to things other people said.

In the past, because I'm kind of a snob, I've utterly hated movies that were universally beloved because I was judging whether the movie deserved all the accolades it received rather than watching the movie for the movie. Once something gets built up to that level, it's hard to live up to that reputation. It's not fair, and I realize that. Most of those accolades come from people with the right mindset: going in not knowing what to expect and being pleasantly surprised.

Once you open the Pandora's box of expectations, though, you can't go back. When I try to sell someone on a movie, I keep the details to a minimum and let them form their own opinion. That's probably the way the studios should market, but unfortunately this internet culture feels the need to spoil every twist in a movie and analyze all the minutiae, so it's pretty much impossible.

In a perfect world, all a trailer would say is "You gotta check this shit out, son!" followed by one non-revealing line from the movie. Instead, you get the entire story arc in 3 minutes, almost like the studios are saying "If you liked this Youtube clip of our movie, check out the other 87 minutes you missed!"

"Paranormal Activity" was maybe a movie where I did that to a point. The ads basically said the movie was going to make me shit my pants, and it just didn't. It's not that kind of movie. There are a lot of quiet moments that build up to a climax that...is believable. They never went over the top, which to me kind of adds to the creep factor. But much of the movie is quiet and meditative.

Watching it the second time around, I was kind of bothered by the formula: stuff happens at night, then the characters react. It bothered me, but there was really no other way to make the movie. It's a tough spot, I realized.

The actors were pretty fantastic. Real. You believed this stuff was happening to them, right down to the douchey "I'll protect you!" chivalry of the boyfriend. It's not how I would've done it, but I know plenty of guys who would. My whole thing is...call the fucking demonologist, guys. Once I see the three-toed footprints in baby powder, I'm done. But no, not Micah (pronounced "Mee-kuh," which is just fucking stupid). He's gonna beat this thing.

Well, spoiler alert: he doesn't. I won't go into details in case you haven't seen a movie from several years ago, but...it doesn't go well for those two. Not at all.

Now that we're out of the hype machine, we're left with...a pretty good movie. It doesn't scare the shit out of you, but there are a couple moments that made me jump. This movie knows that without quiet, there is no loud. So while there aren't giant orange pulsating anuses in the walls (a la "Poltergeist"), there are some pretty creepy, realistic moments.

On a scale of 10, I'll give it a strong 7. I've re-watched it, I probably won't again. One viewing out of the advertising bubble will be sufficient. Let's hope Paranormal Activity 3 maintains some of the realism of this one, because that's what made it so eerie.

I'll see you around.