Baby Bingo items

So Randy and I went to a baby shower over the weekend, and there were "Baby Bingo" sheets in front of all the seats. The games works like this: you pick items from a list of gifts, and as the mother-to-be opens her wrapped gifts, you mark them off. If you get five in a row in any direction, you win.

I thought it might be fun to cheat and play two cards. Here's what they looked like:

Card 1

Vibrating Barney action figure
Baby's first ball gag
"Crawl like a dog" brand onesie
Ugly baby broken safety glass mirror
"I shooda ben an aborshun" T-shirt
"Sexy baby" thong diapers
Penis-shaped pacifier (flavored)
"I'm plenty old enough, you pansy" baby hoodie
"Ethnic Cock: A Retrospective" pop-up book
"I know he's my dad. Maury said so!" bondage hood
Pez-flavored candy panties
"Shock da Baby!" toaster and fork set
"The Shocker" brand finger condom/thermometer
"To da Ballz" brand gag reflex suppressor
"Daddy's Lil Retarded Side Piece" hockey helmet
"William Tell Jr." target onesie
"I won't tell if you don't pull out - I can't speak, silly!" T-shirt
"Daddy's Lil Secret" brand condoms (with Lidocaine)
"Lil Navigator" brand car seat with random ejection spring
"Mama did Thalidomide!" flipper gloves
"Lil Wrangler" branding iron and veal pen
"Lil Squirt" baby-sized speculum and miner's cap
"Jesus Juice" brand bad baby sleepy-time concoction
"Baby's First Gang Bang" pastel baby animals easy clean-up tarp

Card 2

"Hush-a-Bye" pillow with handles
"Hed Tromma" anvil mobile
"Bloo Bebe" happy funtime plastic bag
"Whoops-a-daisy" brand pool deck wax
"Krispy Kritter" baby flamethrower
"Lil Adventurer" tree climbing noose
"Davey Jones' Locker" tiny cement shoes
"Gentle Ben" baby's first bear trap
"Lil VC" baby napalm
"Bloody Buddy" sandpaper baby wipes
"Brisk Briss" circumcision hedge clippers
"Woodland Friends" mace gun/bear bait
"Our Lil Cornish Game Hen" E-Z bake oven and coffin set
"Krib Deth" plastic sheets
"Shake Da Baby" happy time activity center (with new and improved springs)
"Baby's First Oil Change" hydraulic jack
"Indiana Jones" snake venom antidote lab set
"Sudden Death" cyanide suckers
"Ron Jeremy" baby rectal thermometer (with Hedgehog scent)
"Little Mengele" flash cards
"Helen Keller's Lullabye Collection" (12-disc box set)
"Super Warm Bebe" kerosene-soaked gauze Snuggie (now with napalm)
"Agent Orange" flavored pacifier
"Agitated Baby" overnight outdoor crib with mosquito bait

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For whatever reason...I didn't win. I was pretty upset.